From Senator Grassley, Passed Through House to Press Gallary

Members of The Claremont Beat just received a piece of paper, passed through the Senate Chamber and presented to the press. We are told it is an amendment written by Senator Grassley which was voluntarily removed.

"It is the sense of the United States Senate that:

WHEREAS Senator Baucus' momma so fat it looks like she ate all of Iowa's corn

WHEREAS Senator Reid's momma so fat, even Vegas couldn't pay for her liposuction,

WHEREAS Senator Boxer's momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale,

WHEREAS Senator Cardin's momma so fat, when she goes swimming the Chesapeake Bay becomes the Chesapeake Sea,

WHEREAS Senator Schumer's momma so fat, when she tripped on 4th Avenue she landed on Broadway,

WHEREAS Senator Stabenow's momma so fat, when people try to drive around her, they run out of gas,

WHEREAS Senator Kerry's momma so fat, God couldn't light the Earth till she moved,

WHEREAS Senator Carper's momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone,

WHEREAS Senator Lautenberg's momma so fat, her sweat has its own toxic waste disposal site,

WHEREAS Senator Klobuchar's momma so fat, her body heat kept Minnesota snowless last year,

WHEREAS Senator Udall's momma so fat, she tripped and created the Grand Canyon,

WHEREAS Senator Rockefeller's momma so fat, when she sat down she made West Virginia into Lake Virginia,

WHEREAS Senator Cantwell's momma so fat, she was declared a national wildlife preserve,

WHEREAS Senator Lincoln's momma so fat, when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps,

And,

WHEREAS SEnator Bingaman's momma so fat, she lives in New and Old Mexico,

RESOLVED

1) that the physical fitness of each American is an issue of national concern,

2) that all Americans, regardless of physicality or body type deserve and demand respect,

and,

3) that Senator Conrad's wife approves."

A disgrace to all Americans, The Claremont Beat once again reports of this chamber's actions.