From Senator Grassley, Passed Through House to Press Gallary

Members of The Claremont Beat just received a piece of paper, passed through the Senate Chamber and presented to the press. We are told it is an amendment written by Senator Grassley which was voluntarily removed.

"It is the sense of the United States Senate that:

WHEREAS Senator Baucus' momma so fat it looks like she ate all of Iowa's corn

WHEREAS Senator Reid's momma so fat, even Vegas couldn't pay for her liposuction,

WHEREAS Senator Boxer's momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale,

WHEREAS Senator Cardin's momma so fat, when she goes swimming the Chesapeake Bay becomes the Chesapeake Sea,

WHEREAS Senator Schumer's momma so fat, when she tripped on 4th Avenue she landed on Broadway,

WHEREAS Senator Stabenow's momma so fat, when people try to drive around her, they run out of gas,

WHEREAS Senator Kerry's momma so fat, God couldn't light the Earth till she moved,

WHEREAS Senator Carper's momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone,

WHEREAS Senator Lautenberg's momma so fat, her sweat has its own toxic waste disposal site,

WHEREAS Senator Klobuchar's momma so fat, her body heat kept Minnesota snowless last year,

WHEREAS Senator Udall's momma so fat, she tripped and created the Grand Canyon,

WHEREAS Senator Rockefeller's momma so fat, when she sat down she made West Virginia into Lake Virginia,

WHEREAS Senator Cantwell's momma so fat, she was declared a national wildlife preserve,

WHEREAS Senator Lincoln's momma so fat, when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps,

And,

WHEREAS SEnator Bingaman's momma so fat, she lives in New and Old Mexico,

RESOLVED

1) that the physical fitness of each American is an issue of national concern,

2) that all Americans, regardless of physicality or body type deserve and demand respect,

and,

3) that Senator Conrad's wife approves."

A disgrace to all Americans, The Claremont Beat once again reports of this chamber's actions.

President Observes Senate Floor, Brings New Puppy

Puppy Name: Jess

Puppy Type: Puppy

Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) just proposed an non-germane amendment saying President Obama was not in fact with his puppy, but in the Senate "watching the greatest deliberative body ever perform".

Senator Alexander (R-TN) spoke on the amendment, calling the President out on his campaign promise of "hope and change".

We, at The Claremont Beat, have the real story. The President is in the chamber, with his puppy.

Senator Crapo (R-ID) pointed out, "I thought Malia was allergic to labradors". The President responded, "she got her shots"

Democratic Senators call for adjournment, unsatisfied with Schumer's authority

After numerous hours of floor debate, Democratic Senators called for adjournment.

The motion was rejected multiple times as Republican Senator McConnell and Senator Schumer insisted the time yielded to Senator Cardin, who motioned for the adjournment, was out of order.

The Democrats were angered by their Majority Leader's decision to overrule his caucus. Senator Lautenberg called Schumer "the worst Majority Leader ever."

Although Vice President Joe Biden attempted to recognize Senator Cardin's motion, Schumer and numerous Republicans asserted that the Senate's Unanimous Consent Agreement gave all caucus power to their respective party leaders.

The senate voted to overrule Biden and continue with proceedings.

Schumer asked his unsatisfied caucus to appeal to the president to sign more legislation. Schumer retorted, saying that the Senators have worked hard on the bills presented and that the Senate will see them through to completion.

Democrats frustrated with the decision of the Senate were seen pacing back and forth. Floor debate continues.

The KIDNAP BOXER Act

Senator Inhofe introduced an act to support Oklahoma, which when acronymed revealed her true intentions: to KIDNAP SENATOR BOXER. Senator Boxer expressed disdain speaking out against the act.

The voting split upon party lines and Senator Boxer was guaranteed her safety: with the nays winning 11-17.

For clarification: Obama brought his puppy to the session with him.

Simulation is Officially Over, Will Continue Until Adjournment

President Obama just entered the chamber and delivered his closing statement along with presenting the signed PPA Act to the Vice President. Obama's signature on a Finance Committee bill (after signing an EPW bill) officially end the simulation but, for formality's sake (and some academic grading), the Senate can continue passing out bills until they adjourn.

The President concluded his remarks, "I will not consider any more bills tonight... I must get home to my new puppy".

President Waits Outside, Signed Bill in Hand

President Obama currently waits outside the Senate, waiting to announce that he has signed the PPA Act.

The administration attempted to end floor debate on the SHOP Act to announce the passage of PPA, but Senator McConnell refused to end debate, citing Senate rules.

The session will continue, and the President will wait, until the SHOP Act is voted on.

When President Obama is allowed to enter and speak, the 111th Congress simulation will officially close. For formality sake, the Senate will continue until formally adjourned.

Freedom Act Passes the Senate

Senator Boxer began discussion of the Freedom Act, citing that the bill successfully promotes the research and development of other types of energy, especially promoting clean and renewable energy sources. Senator Boxer remarked that she does not personally support the provisions to fund the creation of nuclear facilities, but that an agreement had been reached within committee and that she was prepared to respect the agreement.

Senator Inhofe countered, thanking Senator Boxer and the EPW committee. Inhofe proposed support for the bill and yielded her time to Senator Bond.

Senator Bond drew attention to section four which promotes research in hybrid technologies, especially focusing upon her experience at a recent celebration at the Ford Motors production facilities marking the production of the 100,000th hybrid vehicle made by Ford.

Senator Alexander applauded the Freedom Act's incentives for renewable energy, citing that it was in the best interest of the American people. He responded to Senator Boxer's concerns regarding nuclear power, saying that the bill does nothing to make nuclear power more dangerous or more vulnerable to attacks. Rather, the Freedom Act encourages the production of safer, cleaner and more efficient types of energy.

Senator Bingaman supported the bill saying that the "United States needs it right now."

Roll Call voting commenced, passing 28-2. The nays came from Senator Cornyn and Senator Kyl.

After the bill passed, Senator Kyl and Cornyn made motion to recommit. They voiced their concerns with the legislation citing that in a time of economic crisis it is not in the country's best interest to throw money at a number of different initiatives.

Democratic supporters of the bill pointed out that this bill took a great deal of time to come out of committee and that the deliberation had yielded the best and most bipartisan legislation possible.

Senator Specter and Inhofe pleaded that the Senate vote against the motion to recommit, as the bill is both bipartisan and in the interest of the United States

Roll Call Voting commenced on the consideration to recommit to committee and the motion was denied 2-30.